On being the "third wheel"

A friend recently remarked that she didn't want to feel like the "third wheel"* on a trip she was considering. It struck me that I had not heard this particular expression in decades and it seemed to belong to an earlier time.

When I consider mistakes that I have made in my life, one that I made was losing many of the connections to friends I had before I was married the first time around. When I got divorced and resumed the "single life," I made several new friends and reconnected with several of the former ones.

As these relationships developed, I realized that I had been so focused on my marriage that I had lost out on the richness of having a wider circle of friends. True, we had had rewarding couple friends, but I had lost contact with most of my single female friends. I vowed I would not "sacrifice" my friends again.

I have since remarried (and happily so), but we have tried to make our life even fuller by not giving up friends for our relationship. Several of our friends are single women and it has never occurred to either Ralph or me that these friends are the "third wheel."

I suppose I can imagine situations where a third person intruding on a couple's quality time would be a problem, but in the normal course of things, unless a woman is rather insecure in her marriage, I don't see any reason that a friend of either sex would be unwelcome. How could it be otherwise? A pleasant, interesting person is always a welcome guest!


*(Internet) "We might use this expression to describe someone who goes to dinner with a couple and feels a little bit out of place. The comparison is to having a third wheel on a bicycle, which is unnecessary, etc."

Writing for examiner.com

I enjoy being able to write about the places I hike and being able to share the photos I take.

For those not familiar with it, Examiner.com is an on-line publication/newspaper with hundreds, maybe thousands, of articles written and published each day by "examiners" writing on their topic of choice. I am their "Bay Area Hiking Examiner."

Recently a friend wrote to ask my opinion of writing for examiner.com and that's what this blog answers. Whether or not writing for examiner makes sense depends on several factors.
Benefits are:
1. Achieving a high profile on Google (publicity, gaining a higher profile).
2. Tremendous freedom to write whatever you want to on your topic,
3. Gaining another outlet and possibly another audience for what you write.
4. Opportunity to learn more about utilizing Google analytics, the importance of keywords, and using social media to draw people to your writing.
5. Chance to use your photos with your articles
6. Developing the discipline of writing a 200-300 (or whatever) word column on a regular basis.

Cost/Disadvantages:
Time! Writing for examiner.com can be a tremendous time suck, but how much time it takes depends on several factors, too:
1. How often you write. Examiner.com suggests that you write several pieces per week, but they actually allow a fair amount of latitude. However, the more often you write, the more notice you will get.
2. How lengthy your articles are. Examiner.com recommends that you write often, but that you keep the articles brief and on topic. The point is to be seen as a reliable source (an expert) who writes timely stores.
3. Examiner.com works best for those with a topic of great appeal. Topics that are in the news — such as stories about Michael Jackson, Tiger Woods, holidays, the Underwear Bomber and so forth generate the most interest and readers.
4. Writers who have a huge backlog of previously written material that may need just a little bit of tweaking will be able to produce more more material in less time than those who have to start from scratch with each article.

Unfortunately, my topic of hiking isn't a very sexy one. My articles do not have the drawing power that those written about Disneyland, or hurricanes, or some politician's latest affair will have. In addition, doing the research for my articles is time consuming. Most of the time I first must go on a hike, take the photos, and then write a follow-up article. This is not a complaint about the process, it's just an explanation of why I produce fewer articles than many.

People considering writing for Examiner.com are interested in how much money is to be made. I've heard that it was originally .02 per click. Then it went to .01 a click. It's now some more complicated thing that I haven't even researched, but I have heard that the longer a "visitor" stays on your article the better. I definitely could do a better job of spreading the word, which would help my ratings, but I do mention each article on Facebook and Twitter when I first publish it. For most people, it will provide only a little bit of spending money so I recommend that you do it for other reasons.

I have many friends who are also travel writers that are writing for examiner.com. Most are doing it because the traditional outlets for travel writing (newspapers, magazines) have dried up and they are trying to figure out what to do next.

Look for articles by Susan Alcorn, Bay Area Hiking Examiner today!

Trying to do it all for the holidays?

Artisan at Arcosanti, AZ pouring slurry into a mold.
Oh my gosh, how time flies when you are having fun! I was talking with someone recently about my proposal that Thanksgiving and Christmas be placed further apart than a month like they are now. We didn't settle on that, but she in turn suggested that we have celebrate Christmas every other year. We concluded, however, that merchants would not be happy with that plan, so we are going to celebrate in our usual, scattered, and all-to-often stressful ways.

Even though more than a month ago I suggested to my kids (two sons and their spouses) that we simplify Christmas this year -- specifically the gift exchange thing -- I received minimal response. This isn't exactly a newsflash, they rarely communicate such things in the time-frame I prefer (right away!), but it has left me to my own devices.

That boils down to me attempting pretty much what I always do before the December 25th event -- a few too many things on the calendar, too much shopping, and too little time for exercise and no time for contemplation. The situation is complicated by the fact that our family also has several birthdays and that involves lunches out and additional gift giving.

It's also amusing that my mother (98) likes to wait until the last minute to tell me that she wants me to do her Christmas shopping for her. In other words, she generally waits until about a week before the holiday to call and ask if I will pick up some cards for her to send and presents for everyone in the immediate family (9 people).

Since I do sometimes learn from experience, I now anticipate this request and shop for her gifts for others along with my own shopping. I used to think it was pretty funny when I would see people loading their carts with 10 pairs of fuzzy slippers of assorted colors and sizes, but at this point I think I may join them so that my next couple of weeks will be a little bit saner.

At this point, I feel that things are under control. What I can't remember from previous years is whether that feeling will last or whether I soon will run out of time and get thoroughly stressed out.

There are tons of articles written about simplifying one's life; what I'd like to know is if those that write such articles really achieve that goal or whether they, like me, are just indulging in some wishful thinking. Any thoughts?

Hiking, Spas, and Staycations, part 3

Red Mountain Spa is in a beautiful setting, but Napa Valley is spectacular also.

I started this series of articles about my overnight spa "Staycation" in Calistoga, CA, a few weeks back. My original plan was to try to duplicate, at home, the experience of going to Red Mountain Spa in St. George, UT. At Red Mountain, I would have had a week's worth of healthy, low-cal meals served to me, several dayhikes in beautiful redrock canyons, a swimming pool and sauna available far into the night, and yoga, stretch, and Pilates classes offered throughout my stay. Oh, a free massage treatment was being thrown in at no extra charge.

Somehow I convinced myself, since I didn't have a week available to make this getaway, that I could put together a similar week here. I managed to squeeze out an overnight in the wine country and was able to fit a manicure/pedicure into another day. Hmm!

As I wrote earlier, the time I did have was wonderful. I enjoyed the spa experience (except the mud bath that had me gritting my teeth in order to make it through ten minutes of superhot surroundings).

The best part of the day & night away, however, was the walk on Oat Hill Mine Trail. And that part was free. There are three trailheads: Calistoga, Palisades, and Aetna Springs Road. I started from the Calistoga trailhead, which is at the intersection of Highway 29 and the Silverado Trail.

The Oat Hill Mine Road was started in 1873 to connect Calistoga and the quicksilver (mercury) mines of the region. Today's 8.3 mile route (one-way, of which I did about 3.5 miles each way) is rough and rocky in a few places, but a moderate climb on a wide path. In general, I was shaded by the oak fir, and pine forest, but from time to time there were sweeping views of the Napa Valley. Looking across the valley I was struck by the beauty of the bright yellow leaves of the grapevines. Fall is a beautiful time to hike in this part of the country.

My time was limited for the hike, so I told myself that I would hike for only an hour -- then I would turn around and retrace my steps. But as I made my way along, I would see a turn in the path ahead and tell myself, I'll just continue until I reach that point. When I would reach that point, I would see that I wasn't yet at the summit, it seemed just a bit further.

I was determined to reach the high point on the trail and to see the views on the other side of the mountain. Just a little bit farther.... Finally I got there and could feel satisfied that I had met my goal, but it was still hard to turn and go back down the hill. The views to the northeast were of intriguing volcanic formations. Also ahead was the old homestead property of Karl Gustov Holm who built a log cabin (now gone) there in 1893. I have to go back and finish this hike!

In the couple of hours time that I was on the trail, I saw only two other people -- one on foot, another on bicycle. There is probably much more activity on weekends, but weekdays in Spring and Fall are perfect times for a short, close at hand, moderately-challenging way to work up a sweat.

A few alerts:

• bring plenty of water; there is none of the trail
• watch for rattlesnakes, poison oak (on the edges), mountain lions, ticks
• watch for bicycles and equestrians
• although it can be hot, I found that the wind picked up as I climbed the hill. Wear layers.
• the Upper Oat Hill Trail is closed during deer hunting season and occasionally during fire season. Check www.NapaOutdoors.org for details. The trail is under the jurisdiction of the Napa County Regional Park and Open Space District.
• part of the trail cross Robert Louis Stevenson State Park. Info on these sections are at www.parks.ca.gov or call (707) 942-4575.

Weasel words

And just what's wrong with weasels? photo by Susan Alcorn

Recently a hiker by the trailname of "Steel-eye" sent us the following message about weather predictions. His "weather" message may not be of interest to you as writers, but his second message, about "weasel words," was a new one for me and I thought well worth passing on.

"Some prognosticators suggest that this winter could possibly be somewhat more mild than average in the Pacific Northwest region. Wow! I should be a politician. That first sentence contains nine “weasel-words”, i.e, non-specific equivocations."

Do you use "weasel words" when you write? If so, you are as Wikipedia puts it, "communicating a vague or ambiguous claim, create an impression that something specific and meaningful has been said." They continue, "Weasel words may also have the effect of softening the force of a potentially loaded or otherwise controversial statement through some form of understatement, for example using detensifiers such as "somewhat" or "in most respects". I also learned from Wikipedia why such words are labeled weasel words -- it's because when weasels eat eggs, they suck the contents out of the egg leaving the shell intact.

I doubt that I can escape using "weasel words" entirely -- being a person who usually tries to be tactful rather than blunt, but I am certain that the strongest writers are those who take a firm position rather than sit on the fence. Weasel words weaken your writing; take care to ferret them out!

Spas & Staycations, part 2

When I arrived in Calistoga mid-afternoon for my day of leisure (see part 1), I drove by EuroSpa, the motel where I would be staying, to check in. I wasn't too sure about it when I first saw it. It was "quaint" and probably built in the 1940s, but once I went in the room I was quite pleased. The decor was contemporary, the room was clean and comfortable, and all the conveniences--fridge, coffee maker, iron and so forth were there. The price, which was under $100, included a good continental breakfast--that's very reasonable for a Napa Valley stay.

But I didn't come to Calistoga just to stay overnight somewhere. I wanted a spa treatment--the mud bath, mineral water whirlpool, wet sauna, body wrap, and a massage were going to be my treats for the day. I walked the couple of blocks to the facility where I was going to get my treatments.

Have you ever been in a mudbath? If not, just visualize--you walk into an aseptic looking room, rather steamy, with a concrete floor, hard surfaced walls, and several bathtubs. Your bathtub, which is surrounded by ceramic tile, is filled with mud. But not just any mud; it's a combination of peat, volcanic ash, clay, and mineral water.

After you strip down, you climb into this mixture cautiously. Once you get into a prone position, you'll find yourself suspended, basically floating, on top of the mud. Getting to that position, however, is somewhat awkward and you'll find if your feet touch the bottom, that it's HOT down there. No matter, you'll soon be in the correct position and the attendant will pile some of the mud on your chest, bring you a cup of water with a straw, and set the timer for the start of your 10-15 minute session in the tub.

Why does anyone do it? Traditionally it is held to provide various therapeutic benefits: to aid in relaxation, smooth muscle soreness, exfoliate the skin, and remove toxins. The temperature is usually in the 102-104 degree level--about the temperature of the average hot tub dunk. On this visit, however, I think it was hotter than that. In any case, for me it turned into a "grit your teeth, you can make it" sort of thing.

Next time--I'll report on the rest of the spa session--which was well worth the trip.

My mini staycation and spa trip, part 1

Snow Canyon near Red Mountain, photo Susan Alcorn

It wasn't quite the equivalent of a week at Red Mountain Spa in St. George, Utah, but it had its good moments. I took off on Monday morning after the commute hour and headed for Calistoga. It's in the Napa Valley wine country and about 1-1/2 hour drive.

I went as far as Walnut Creek--half an hour from here--when I decided what the heck, I would pull off the freeway and go to Diva Nails and Spa for a manicure/pedicure. I like this place; like so many of these storefront places, it's staffed by Vietnamese women and it's inexpensive ($30). I particularly like this one because they talk to me, not just to each other in their first language.

After getting the services and being pounded, compressed and massaged in their amazing automated chair, I put on my 1/32" thick flip-flops and made my flatfooted way back to my car.

My next stop was for lunch at Burger King. I seldom (and Ralph never) stop at fast food restaurants, but since I had proclaimed it "My Week," I decided I could get away with it. I'd be embarrassed to admit it to most people I know, but I really am an omnivorous eater.

Next blog--on to Calistoga and the spa and mudbath treatments.